Gathering some thoughts about My Dad

 I had to go on That Day

in

August

My Dad

was

Gone

Numbed

I Just had to See Him Again

If only

for

One Last Time.....

There was nothing Romantic 

Here

or 

Ethereal

in

This Tiny square Room

 Dad's Body

upon

A Marble Slab

From Shoulders down

covered by

A White Sheet

Hair

was as Full

as Ever

With that distinctive wave...

They say it
keeps growing...

Face Elongated

Wired  Jaw

in 

the absence
of Teeth...

Mum

had

Thrown them away

The Day 

She saw Him Die

in

The Ambulance..

Undertakers do their best 

with 

What they have of Us..

All of this 

though

A stark reflection
of
What was so clearly Absent

I kissed His forehead

He did not open His eyes

For the first time in My Life

Death felt Offensive

A Violation

Suddenly 

it seemed
What was My Dad
Had become the property
of 

Someone else

Access
Conditional
and
Limited...

And yet

He seemed
but
A Hairs Breadth
away.

The distance
between
Worlds..

I had felt

curiously

no sense

Of

Presence

after

He Died

It was like

He had Enough
&
Cleared Off

He Died so Young

and

I know so little

about

Him

I was in such a different place

to

Ask Questions

So many missed opportunities

Sometimes now

There are moments 

when  it is like

He was never Here..

Dad had a very strong Christian Faith

Leaves me  wondering even more 

where 

He may Be?

Not His Body

That became Ashes

No

I mean

The Bit of us All
which
is
Present
but
Elsewhere....

A Week or so ago

and not

for the first time

believe it

or not
My Dad visited Me

I saw Him
through the Window
Walking across
the Grass

He looked just like
He did
30 years ago

I made a Salad
for us both

Just before a feint Meow

Woke Me Up....

This morning

My Day began with thoughts

of

My Dear Dad

I think back

to 

What I wrote 

for

His Funeral Announcement...

" I Walked Towards The Darkened Door

   With a Tremble in My Heart
   A gentle Quiver on My Lips
   For those I now must Part
   But then
   My Saviour met Me
   Just like
   He said
   He would
   The Door swung widely open
    In The Light
     I stood"

Awww 

Missing You 

Lots of Love

xx